Poem for National Adoption Day

A little ditty inspired by my friends and family in this weird triangle who write like my Uncle Jim and my friend Wynter Kaiser:

 Tribute to a Birthmom

 So many times I have thanked my mom.
 My real mom.
 The one who adopted me and raised me.
 But this time I raise my glass to you.
 I got to say “I forgive you” when we met.
 And “Thank you” for doing right by me.
 But our time was cut short.
 Now I wait to see you again and ask you more questions in heaven.
 I praise Him who was always watching out for me that you heard those words from me.
 That you accepted His grace as well before He called you home.
 I pray that hopefully you forgave yourself after all this time.
 I pray your heart is mended after all this life threw at you.
 Stuff I imagine no one should have to deal with that you saved me from.
 With your strength.
 Your unselfishness.
 Your love.
 It’s been felt this whole time.
 And it’s returned.
 I just hope you know.
 Somehow.
 Even if I never said it right when I had the chance.
 You deserve it.
 And more.
 Say “Hi” to my grandpa Bob, please, and tell him I miss him too.

Your sappy birthkid,
 Ali

Twin tip #1: Set up two bouncers with the feet ends overlapping a bit and you'll only need to turn vibrate on one of them or bounce one of them to vibrate and/or bounce both of them!

Random pics of a dress I made Livi, her first b-day, and a snow day last Jan!

Almost 30?!

Golly! So much to say and so little time! Well, that little puking baby is almost 2 now! I am excited to throw her a monkey party and see her light up when she sees her streamers, cake and presents! I got her a laptop and I'm hoping to get my iPad back...she is slightly obsessed with watching Backyardigans and Curious George on it as well as playing some fun toddler apps I downloaded. I finally got an iPhone!!! This has been a dream of mine for a while and I feel like one of the last one's in the universe to get one! Yay! That is my new toy, but the trick will be to keep it pocketed, except for phone calls and some texts, when Olivia's around so A: she won't be jealous of the attention I give to it and B: she won't destroy it like my last phone! Wish me luck! She is just so smart and she really loves technology. Seriously! Other stuff she is doing and saying is, "I got it!" (whether you actually got it for her is irrelevant), "What that?" (especially when she burps and points in her mouth) and jumping is one of her favorite ways to show off. She also says "Wuv wu" for "Love you," which is super adorable! There's tons more, of course, but I have to be brief. In other news, my after school care job is almost over for the year and boy did that whiz by! It was super fun and a great experience and I did get to do some subbing in the mornings as well this year, so I got to spend some time in the classroom also. I am currently not sure what's next, but considering subbing full-time next year, attempting to get a teaching job or perhaps going back to after school work. I need a job for summer as well, but no idea what I will find yet. Its a little nerve-wrecking, but I have faith that something will come up. I know that I am capable! Oh and did I mention that I'll be 30 the end of this month? No biggie! Ha ha! NOT! Its an age I never expected to enjoy so much, though, I will say that! I think it is the best time of life so far, not college years, like I thought before... Jared and I are happy and exhausted, with each other and our little one, and looking forward to the break my big sis has offered to give me for my birthday weekend by taking Olivia for a few days. I'm thinking maybe a Jimmy Buffett theme with Cheeseburgers in Paradise and Margaritas in Margaritaville, etc. You'll be getting an invite soon, I'm sure! There's a couple of other things that have happened this last year that are a little sensitive and I hate to just throw them in here, but most of you know I met my birthmom a few years ago and have made good friends with my half-brothers and made phone contact with my birthfather and a few phone calls were exchanged. Well, I got to be a bridesmaid in Nat and Laurel's wedding and they are now excellent and living in Portland with their awesome roommate, Rihana. They've even babysat for us! I love keeping in touch with them and being able to! My birthmother, Michele, did pass away shortly after their wedding last August of cancer. We had a little warning, but never enough. It was very bitter losing someone I just met, but I will need to do further reflecting and processing later. Also, my birthdad did of mostly cerosis of the liver, which I still can't spell, but his health had been getting worse for a while. Both of them were fairly young as in 53ish and 66ish, but I just hope they are resting comfortably in a better place now and I pray for their families and people they knew and loved. Thanks for reading, hope all are well that I haven't caught up with in a while. Talk to you soon!

HA ha! Of course I forgot the poem!

Unconditional
By Ali Palmer

At five-thirty A.M.,
The coos turn to cries.
Dad throws off the covers,
And begins to rise.

She greets him smiling,
With Cosmo Kramer curls.
Nothing is more perfect
Than this baby girl.

He gives her to mama
And gets in the shower.
Before he can finish,
Her upset tummy overpowers.

On the mom, the baby and the bed
The little girl has vomited.
They can barely believe
To this life they’ve committed.

Yet neither is angry,
Or even frustrated.
On getting her better,
They’re both concentrated.

An example of love,
That no others would see.
I wonder how many,
Were given to me.

A Poem About My Morning

As usual, it's been forever since I've written, but better hardly ever than never, right? So, as most of you know, I had Olivia on July 26th, 2010 and what a perfect birth story I had! She was and is so beautiful I can still scarcely believe she's mine! She's a great little girly with a sunshiny personality and big blue eyes and loose light brown curls that takes long morning naps! Whoohoo! I was just saying to Jared yesterday that I think if it weren't for naps, all stay-at-home moms would kill themselves. I graduated from grad school and am now officially a MASTER in teaching! You may bow to me now and address me as Master Ali. I couldn't believe it, but I managed a 3.97 GPA and, although there were times I wasn't sure I was going to make it, I survived student teaching.

I am now, as I said, a stay-at-home mom searching for a seemingly non-existent job for fall. I do have a screening interview Monday to get on the Beaverton School District Sub. list, which is actually my ideal! That way I can stay home with Olivia sometimes, like if she is sick or I just miss her, but I can get lots of great ideas and connections to begin my teaching career with. I hope to find a better perspective on exactly where I'd like to teach and exactly what and whom through substituting. That's the play, anyways.

I've developed an even GREATER respect for moms (and dads) throughout the universe through this staying at home all day every day thing. I would like a job to get a vacation, please, and my child is EASY! Can you imagine? No, you can't unless you've done it, but trust me - buy your mom or another mom flowers and say thanks (not me or I'll just feel like I bullied you into it and that's a waste)!

Now I've got my parents in Tigard still, my little sister in Hillsboro, and my big sister and her family in Beaverton. Everyone is just where I want them - CLOSE to me! Aunty Candy makes a great babysitter and I'm enjoying much more time with both my sisters these days. I just went to Michigan to be in my brother, Nat's, wedding and I got to take Olivia and Jared with me and stay with my cousin Amber and her husband, Jeff. Everyone was so happy to meet my little family and have us there for the big day and it was SUCH a gorgeous wedding and so much fun! Even Jared enjoyed himself, despite being saddled with the child the majority of the time due to my bridesmaid duties and me just wanting to spend lots and lots of time having fun with everybody!

It was a bit bittersweet as it might have been one of my last times to see my birthmom, Michele, who has been diagnosed with uterine cancer. This cancer is generally not a killer, but when you're stubborn, tough and have no health coverage, it becomes a killer after several years of denying it and keeping it to yourself. She was told there is no possible treatment that could stop it or take it away at this point and she has about six months to live. Pain mitigation is the only goal now. It is a sad truth I think most of us are still kind of in denial about, but dealing with fairly well on most days. She made it to the wedding and reception - ALL of it, which has been a big question and a big goal for a while now, so I feel that this gives everyone a little consolation about the whole situation, but it still sucks no matter which way you look at it. She has said that she is at peace with dying and know's where she's going, but to be honest, I don't know what that means. On good days, she still has her sense of humor about her, but she's never as chatty as she once was, so I guess I will have to carry that torch and I do believe I am able...

To end on a positive note, because that is how I like to "roll," the sun is shining, my pug is snoring at my feet and I am enjoying a sweet nap time break. Tomorrow I get to go floating down the Sandy River with some of my bestest friends and was specifically told to leave what little class I have at home - should be no problem!

These Days...

I'm wrapping up my second term of grad school and it is HECTIC! Just a couple of more weeks though and I'll get a break... School ends July 10th, I am due July 16th, then I will take 8-10 weeks off of work for maternity leave, start school again August 30th and go back to work half time. That is our plan anyways, if all goes well. I really hope she comes on time because I simply don't think I can wait any longer to meet her! I just can't wait to see her soft little butt and hopefully cute little face!!! I am dreaming of the day I can dress her up and take her out for a walk in her cool stroller that Jared and I had no trouble putting together! People said putting together the crib, changing table and stroller would be really hard, but not for us! :-) Makes me kinda proud...especially since Jared did the crib and changing table by himself. He took the BEST photos series of himself doing it, which is on Facebook and if you haven't seen it, you have been missing out, trust me! Our dog and cat have been learning to live in mutual disgust better and better and I am curious to see what they'll think of a little baby that steals all their attention! Also, I want to eat healthy, but there is junk food all around me. I don't even have to buy it! It is all up in my grill all the time and there's just no avoiding it. I guess I should just hope what some of my friends have been saying is true that if I breastfeed I won't be able to keep the baby weight on if I try! We shall see though, if I do ever learn to say no to things like muffins and chocolate and coffee cake and soda and cake and ice cream, etc., it will be a glorious day! Other than that, things are good and healthy as can be! She measures just about right, she moves around and gives me lots of heartburn, which I have heard means she's a hairy little beast, and I've begun to waddle a bit. I can't believe I only have 23 days left! Still they are too long. But then again, not really because of all I have to get done...not for her, but for school. Her nursery is ready except crib bedding, but I know that's on it's way and she will be in a cradle for a while anyways. Sorry I don't make paragraphs. I just write and write and write, but you know me.